[shuyi: a message from the youth pastor in my church. I wished I had this advice when I was 16. ]

What a roller-coaster day for you, huh. Many years ago, just like you, I opened that slip and let out a mix of a groan and a sigh. My results were both expectedly bad and unexpectedly good.

It was expectedly bad because I had known, halfway during Sec 3, that I was in the wrong Stream. At the end of Sec 2, I had done well enough to go into Science Stream and so I did – because in those days if you qualified yet didn’t go for it, you must’ve been nuts. But after numerous HUH moments during Physics, Chem & A Maths lessons, and the countless times I borrowed my friend’s Lit and History textbooks for light reading, I knew that I was on the wrong side of the road. So when I saw Cs for those subjects, no surprises there.

On the other hand, my results were also unexpectedly good. Despite struggling with some subjects and with myself (procrastinate, repent, study, procrastinate, repent… the cycle went on), I did better than expected in the two languages, E Maths (do u guys still call it that??) & Geog. There were stuff I couldn’t help but to give thanks for: that I could even have the chance to take Os (family finances weren’t great and I almost had to leave Spore), that thru O Level year I grew so much closer to God, and that from that point onwards, I could study WHATEVER I WANT. HAH.

So though my aggregate could take me to some JCs (not RJ obviously, Pulau Ubin JC kind la lol), this time I didn’t ‘just do it’. Instead, I took it up to God. I fasted and prayed. I wasn’t asking him to magically highlight the school/course I should go to. Rather, I was praying for my own heart to be reliant on God, wherever I was gonna end up in. At the end of the day, I chose to take up Mass Communication in NP where I learned the most crucial life skill – the art of not sleeping for 3 days straight and bathing in school toilet when your crazy deadlines don’t allow you to go home.

But this post is not about which is better, JC/Poly/ITE/Engineering/Nursing/Gardening/etc. At the end of the day, this is about you and the choices you have to make. And as someone who have been in youth ministry for n years, seeing so many O/A Level grads making decisions – some superb, some so terribly unwise that they had to pay 2-3 hellish school years for it – I’d like to share some pieces of advice:

* Choose thankfulness.

Replaying 101 scenes of “if only…”, “could’ve been…” or “just bit more…” will in no way help your decision-making or make you happier. Choose to count your blessings. And if you did well, remember to thank God and the people who helped you, too.

* Choose long-term perspective.

Frankly, O Level is only important for you at this crossroad. I lost my O Level Cert when I was 19 but NO ONE ever asked for it – not the company where I was applying job, not the Uni I applied for, no one! So it’s not so much about your O grades as it’s about what you do with it. As long as you make the right decision this time, you’ll be on the right track.

* Choose according to how God has wired you.

I’ve heard people saying, “I chose SAJC because of the uniform” or “TP looks haps so I’ll go there”. Okay, seriously? Really, guys, seriously? We’re not talking about 2-week holiday here. We’re talking about stuff you’re gonna study for about 5000 hours for the next 2-3 years. Instead of checking out the canteen (tho important), there are more important questions such as:

- What are the stuff you LOVE learning?

Are you a science/arts guy? Often fascinated with how things are built? Or an otaku who programs your own robot cat?

- What are the stuff you totally HATE?

I once considered taking MSc in Management – until I found out it requires A Level kinda Maths. FYI I scored 7/100 for my A Maths mid-year. So as cool as MSc in Management sounds, I wouldn’t do well in it cos I’d rather study Russian than Maths all over again.

- Recognise your learning style

If you loathe writing essays and prefer hands-on learning, poly or ite seems good for you. If you have not determined what you want to specialise in, JC is a good place to continue studying general subjects before choosing your major in Uni. If you want to take A Level but study better when you have more time to absorb, MI is an option. Make full of use of your learning style so that you’ll enjoy studying, not just survive it.

- Ask people who know you!

If you tell your friends that you want to study Apparel Design and they laugh, “But you have no fashion sense!”, listen to them!! Especially friends/mentors who know you for long and genuinely care about you. They may be too nice to say, “You’ll never make a good early childhood teacher,” so instead you can ask, “On the scale of 1 to 10, how well do you think I can relate to kids?” If they recognise your talent/passion in what you want to study, that’s a very positive sign!

- Ask people who are in that school/course

We have a big church with people who are (or know others) in the school/course you want to go to. Talk to them. Ask them what you can expect to learn, in what kind of environment, etc. Ask them if they’d recommend you going to that school/course. Ask more than one person to get a balanced view.

For more thorough advices, do talk to your shepherd/leaders so that they can pray for you and give good counsel where needed. Last but not least, remember that the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding (Psalm 111:10). So continue to put God at the centre of your life and decisions, and you will be on the right path!

P.S. OMG I didnt realise I’ve written this much! MOE should pay me lor… LOL!

This is another popular article Anni shared with me. It seems to resonate a lot with people our age. Hope it encourages you too that you are not alone in this confusing stage of life, right out of college.

I will modify the content of his points in the section “Turning Failure Into Success” in the chapter “How to Give a Dynamic Interview When You’re Scared Stiff”, except for the last point, which I find the most important and I hope to preserve it entirely.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Key tip in most career-counseling-type books: Always have alternatives or Plan Bs!

Don’t base your self-esteem on how well you do. We are more than our performances. We are more than our outward appearances. We are people of value and worth, regardless how terrible we perform.

Don’t blame yourself for a rejection. Don’t be too harsh on yourself when you have made mistakes or have been foolish. We often are our worst critics. Be gentle and patient with yourself. Transitioning is a tender period. Guard your heart! Don’t let it become too discouraged or wounded.

Don’t blame someone else for a rejection. Even if our interviewers disparage us, are mean to us, or do nasty things to us, let us be gracious to them. Let’s be honest, living in this world isn’t easy. Let’s be gentle with tough people. Thankfully most of the time interviewers are fair people.

Think about rejections as opportunities. I see rejections as chances to thicken my thin skin. Let your heart grow stronger but your skin grow thinner! Protect your heart, but allow each rejection to bolden you for the next one. I still have not mastered how to do this yet, but I hope by sharing this, I open your mind to potential threats and opportunities of rejections, so you will not just flow with the tide but are alert to protect yourself and capitalise on such opportunities.

Remember that an offer you don’t really want is worth its weight in gold. “This is the “Burns Rule”: People only want what they can’t get, and they never want what they can get. What it boils down to is this: trying to get the first offer can be tough. Since you’re what people can get, you’re not in demand. But once you get an offer, even if it’s not the one you want, you can easily get many more offers. Since you’re what people can’t get, you’re in demand. Everyone will want you.

Let me give an example of how this works. A divorced woman with two children applied for admission to graduate school in psychology. Her options were limited to programs in Chicago, where she lived, because she didn’t want her kids to have to change schools. She had her heart set on a highly competitive program at the University of Chicago, but knew her chances for admission were only marginal because of the large number of applicants. After her interview, she was informed that she had not been selected for the program, but she would be placed on a waiting list of alternate candidates.

Six weeks later another school, in a less desirable area and with only an average reputation, called to tell her that she’d been admitted but without financial assistance. She was told that she had to decide within two hours.

Her heart sank, because she still had the dream of attending the University of Chicago. She called me in a panic. She was distraught and wanted to know what to do.

I explained that this was her golden opportunity, and suggested that all she had to do was to call the University of Chicago and tell them that she was under pressure to accept an offer that very day from another school, so that if they were interested in her they’d have  to move quickly.

She was skeptical that this would do any good, but she called the admissions office and explained the situation to the secretary of one of the professors on the admissions committee. Within ten minutes the professor called back to inform her that they were extremely interested in her and if she would consider attending the University of Chicago, they would offer her free tuition plus a stipend of $8000 per year for living expenses. She immediately accepted and ultimately received her doctorate there.

Why was she suddenly accepted when she’d been ignored? Because she was in demand. They probably thought that if someone else was pressuring her to accept an offer, she was an incredibly desirable candidate. This made them want her as well. It’s basic human nature to want something that’s a little beyond our grasp, and this is true in school or job interviews.

If you want to take advantage of the Burns Rule, you should court every suitor when you’re applying for a position. Once you get an offer, even if it’s an unappealing one, you’re over the biggest hurdle because you’re in demand. Leak this information to the people you’re interested in. Let other interviewers know that you’ve had an offer, but that you like them very much and would be proud to consider their offer as well. If you do this in a friendly manner, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised to discover that you will suddenly get many offers.

You may object to this strategy, thinking it amounts to manipulation. In a way, you’re right. I felt a little guilty when writing this section. I was concerned that I might come off as exploitative or insensitive. If I offended you, I apologize. However, I felt that this information was necessary, because the people who conduct interviews wield great power. They’ve got what you want, and they are intentionally playing you off against many other candidates so they can get the best possible person to work for them or to attend their university. You need a little power too, to balance the situation. I want you to get the best possible offer so you’ll feel happy and excited about the opportunity just ahead of you. Then you’ll do the best job you’re capable of, and everyone will win.”

I honestly don’t know how you feel about it. But some of us are under the impression that we cannot let the company we are applying to know that we are actually applying to other companies. Maybe this might change your mind a bit.

Does it work for the Singaporean context?

Is it unethical? Manipulative?

Have you tried doing this and does it work?

Feel free to comment and discuss!

But I place this information here with the same intentions as the author, if it really does work (the bit about playing hard to get), I hope it helps you.

Today, I want to advocate this to my young graduate friends. If you can, don’t rush into working. Save money to go a trip overseas to see how life is like for people in the developing countries. Instead of a grad trip just to have fun, what about one to have fun and also visit a third-world country, dropping by a NGO along the way? Or if you have started working, start saving money for such a trip. Or if going overseas is not for you at the moment, volunteer locally at least once-off or on an ad-hoc basis.

I think it’s so easy to stay in our own comfort zones and reason to ourselves that we will not get involve in other peoples’ problems, but I believe being citizens of a first-world country, and having so much given to us, we have responsibility to steward what we have wisely.

A friend was mentoring a group of young adults from a developing country I recently visited and this was what she said,

“We need to take responsibility for our extras. Bless people who cannot bless themselves! We are not too poor to give. We are not the poor.”

And mind you. We are not the poor. She was speaking to people much poorer than we are.

One thing I want to warn my friends who have just starting working, is not to compare salaries. It’s easy to feel discontented from asking one friend after another what is their pay and realising you have less and it’s also easy to feel proud if you do find out you have more. Instead I challenge you to think this way, “With this amount that I have monthly, what is the appropriate lifestyle I should live and still be able to save up for my future and even give away to people who need it more?”

I am reading this book called Half The Sky by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl Wudunn and would like to end off with a quote from the book:

“Young people often ask us how they can help address issues like sex trafficking or international poverty. Our first recommendation to them is to get out and see the world. If you can’t do that, it’s great to raise money or attention at home. But to tackle an issue effectively, you need to understand it – and it’s impossible to understand an issue by simply reading about it. You need to see it first hand, even live in its midst.

One of the great failings of the America education system [Shuyi - I would say possibly the Singapore one too], in our view, is that young people can graduate from university without any understanding of poverty at home or abroad. Study-abroad programs tend to consist of herds of students visiting Oxford or Florence or Paris. We believe that universities should make it a requirement that all graduates spend at least some time in the developing world, either by taking a ‘gap year’ or by studying abroad.”

This is one of ziwei’s brilliant work. She has other very good drawings on life as a public servant and the common things they have to deal with in her blog as well!

One of the best ways to know about a job is to speak to people who are in that line or in that same company. So keep expanding your mental horizons and ask people about their jobs when you meet them!

Most people are given probation periods ranging from 1 month to a year for their boss to decide if they are the right man or woman for the job. Or to put it more accurately, whether the job is the right fit for them.

In fact, I urge people who have been dismissed other than for immoral reasons (lack of integrity/honesty, misdemeanor, laziness etc.), to not see their dismissal as a bad thing, but as their strengths and competencies being a wrong match to their bosses’ expectations during that range of probation time.

If you are in this situation, don’t be ashamed. Make sense of it.

1. In what ways did I not meet up to boss’s expectations?
2. Given more time, would I have been able to overcome?
3. Did I like the job?
4. Given my experience in this job, how can I find another one that matter matches my passion and strengths better?
5. What do I need to improve on? And what training is available to help me?

I personally think it’s no different from you choosing to quit. It’s just who makes the first move. People decide to leave when something new or better awaits them or when the old becomes unbearable.

Let’s view each dismissal or decision to quit objectively, like how we should view a successful or failed interview (or even a successful or failed matchmaking session). It’s not about not being good enough, being rejected, oh-poor-me, but it’s just something that didn’t work out because of differing preferences or performances.

Suppose you cannot hear. If you are considering a job that requires acute hearing, then that is a disability: it means there are certain skills you don’t have, that are essential, at least for that job.

But now let us suppose you can hear perfectly, but you are way overweight. If you are applying for that same job, this is not a disability unless it interferes with your ability to do that work. Nonetheless, a particular employer may be prejudiced against overweight people, and simply won’t hire you.

So, here’s the distinction: a disability is something within you. A prejudice is something within the employer.

Both may appear as handicaps that keep you from getting hired, but it is important to understand that a real handicap is a disability you have – you cannot do some important task required in that particular job. On the other hand, a prejudice is a phantom handicap. It may raise its ugly head in one particular interview or more, but if you keep on going, find the right employer, then poof! – the so-called handicap vanishes.

You must just be sure you don’t share some employers’ prejudices. That is, don’t look at yourself through their eyes. Look at yourself through your own eyes.”

- Richard N. Bolles, What Color Is Your Parachute?.

It’s selling cheaply on Amazon, especially if you live in USA. It’s selling much cheaper on Amazon than in my bookshop here in Singapore ($27).

I’m reading this book recommended by Dick Bolles in What Color Is Your Parachute. It’s pretty insightful. There are 25 formulas. Here’s a sneak preview of the first 5!

I can’t wait to get my own copy of What Colour Is Your Parachute!!

http://jobhuntersbible.typepad.com/

http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/27/bolles.html?page=0%2C0

“And, over the past three decades, Bolles’s preferred method has remained remarkably consistent: Sending out résumés doesn’t work. Neither does answering ads. Employment agencies? No way. What does work is figuring out what you like to do and what you do well — and then finding a place that needs people like you. Contact organizations that you’re interested in, even if they don’t have known vacancies. (Bolles actually coined the now commonplace term “informational interview.”) Pester friends and family members for leads. Once you get in the door of the employer of your dreams, show how you can solve its problems.”